I have experienced as many Thanksgivings as there are cards in a deck. In the first six years of my life, my parents took me (and later my brother) to one or the other (sometimes both) of my grandparents’ homes for turkey dinners with aunts, uncles, cousins, great grandparents, etc. Both sets of grandparents lived within a couple of blocks of each other in South Buffalo. Those first six years set a lifetime of expectations. A Thanksgiving meal doesn’t have to be identical to my grandmothers’ cooking, but it has to make me feel like I did when I was a kid - dazzled, full, loved, and sleepy.

Six straight years of multi-generational Thanksgivings made me greedy. Rather than being grateful for what had been, I expected the ensuing 46 years to follow suit. I call this game The Tyranny of Tradition. Tradition is great unless expectations and a demand that nothing change come into play.

When I was six my parents divorced and Thanksgivings were tossed in the air like a game of 52 Card Pickup. We moved around. We lived in various locations. We crisscrossed the country for holidays. We shared other’s traditions. We tried something new. I didn't always revel in the holidays as they happened. Too often I played The Tyranny of Tradition by sulking or being peevish rather than playing the Gratitude Game by being curious and willing. Over the years, around various tables, eventually I learned that Thanksgiving means more than eating yourself sleepy.

While I shuffle my imaginary deck, I consider not the turkey but what else was served on Thanksgivings past. Here's a compilation of some of my Thanksgivings with the accompanying gratitudes:

Divorce Thanksgiving - When you spend the day with your dad and his new living arrangement. Another year, another new arrangement has been negotiated. One year later you inherit a stepfamily. Gratitude Bonus: Life Goes On.

In-Hospital Thanksgiving - When it’s your single mom’s turn to cover her nursing shift at the hospital or a family member is hospitalized. This particular meal involves dry turkey, canned gravy, mushy green beans, and slimy mashed potatoes in a hospital cafeteria. The ambience is hushed and yet kindly. Compassion abounds. Gratitude Bonus: Holding Hands and Hugs.

Ping Pong Table Potluck - When I lived in Oregon, a group of my mother’s friends held an annual Thanksgiving potluck. My brother and I - the only teens in the group - played ping pong until it was time to set the table. Gratitude Bonus:  Duh, PING PONG and brotherly camaraderie which, at that age, was sometimes a once a year occurrence.

Everyone-is-Mad-OR-Doesn’t-Come-Home-for-Thanksgiving - This was one of my all-time favorite Thanksgivings. I basked in Grand Love; I celebrated with my grandpa and my senile Granny. Even though there were only four of us, Gram cooked enough for her traditional party of 14. Grandpa told me stories, Granny shared her cigarettes, and clean up was a snap. Gratitude bonus: Leftovers.

Writers' Thanksgiving -  In the morning, you sit down to do a "quick" rewrite of a paragraph in a story (which will never be published) and then eight hours later, you realize you forgot you had holiday dinner plans. Gratitude bonus: Passion.

Divorce Thanksgiving II - Divorce Thanksgiving is reschedueled for Friday. Usually, but not always, it’s the day dads get to celebrate with their kids. Gratitude Bonus: All the Cousins Attend.

In-law Thanksgiving - In my case, this holiday involved a strip mall and an all-you can-eat buffet. Yes, I was tempted to deal a hand of Tyranny of Tradition and yell, “This isn’t right!” But then my nephew escorted me to the chocolate fondue fountain. Gratitude Bonus: Becoming Family.

Immigrant Thanksgiving - My brother’s birthday often falls on Thanksgiving so we skip homecooking and eat out. In many cities, immigrant-owned restaurants keep their doors open as they are unfamiliar with the holiday. Gratitude Bonus: Ethnic Food and the Wonders of Multiculturalism.

Restaurant Workers Thanksgiving - The rowdiest of Thanksgivings. Most restaurants close on Thanksgivng but are hugely busy the next day. Because of this, a bunch of transient, young, and mostly single adults can't make it home to their families for Thanksgiving. So someone with a big house (usually with a lot of roommates) agrees to host. And, who wouldn’t want to feast with a party full of servers, chefs and bartenders? Every one at the table has been trained in dinnertime merrymaking. Such delicious food and drink but bawdy. Games abound - impromptu tag football, board games, and eventually gamey mischief ensues. A fight breaks out or someone ends up in a bedroom with someone else’s date. Not everyone gets asked back. Gratitude Bonus: Fun.

Soup Kitchen Thanksgiving - If there was one year I learned to put down my sense of Thanksgiving entitlement, it was this one. Finally, I figured out the full meaning of Thanksgiving. Gratitude bonus: The Gift of Gratitude.

Inclusive Thanksgiving - My husband and I adopted transracially. During our first Thanksgiving together, Cal, who was nearly 9 months old when the holiday rolled around, played on his father’s lap and lathered himself in the fixings. I had come full circle. Here I was back in South Buffalo with a family of my own surrounded by the family I was born into. Grateful beyond measure. Yet, for as dazzled, full, loved, and sleepy as my boys appeared to be, I realized I had not brought everything to the table. Cal was not surrounded by the family he was born to. I needed to bring Cal’s heritage into the mix - a sweet potato pie and bitter greens along with culture, community and traditions with his birth family. Recently, I found this Twitter hashtag stream #ThanksgivingWithBlackFamilies. I love how playful it is. My favorite tweet (and one I hope will one day be culturally appropriate) is this one: “When your mom is throwing hella shade by bringing up all your mistakes in the prayer.” Gratitude Bonus: Thanksgiving for All.

I love this holiday and all the experiences that it has opened up for me. What about you? I hope to hear about your Thanksgivings. Are they the same every year? Or is every year unique? Do you celebrate a Soldier’s Thanksgiving? Or a Puerto Rican Thanksgiving? How about a Civil Servant's Thankgiving?

I want to know about all the ways people choose to celebrate. Please add your reflections in the comment section.